Dropping him off at Jesus-Care today was hard because I knew that I would not be there this afternoon to pick him up. As he clung to my knee and gave me an open mouth kiss and floppy armed "bye bye" I felt the "Mommy-Guilt" slowly creeping in. Why do mother's have to feel this way? My husband has spent time away from Dylan already....DAYS...and although he missed the little man, I KNOW that it was nothing like I am experiencing. It's like this primal feeling, a deep dark pit of despair. What if he NEEDS me?
But then, as I was driving away holding back tears, I envisioned myself on the plane this afternoon. A simple jaunt through security without a stroller, a MAGAZINE and starbucks cup of coffee in my hand instead of a 30lb toddler. I remembered that I have an entire weekend to visit with my best friends. To only worry about MY shower, MY sleep, MY meals. I might even get a pedicure!
So i may still feel that gnawing feeling of Mommy-Guilt, deep in my gut, but it's just a little bit less than this morning. And I know that coming home on Sunday will feel just like Christmas morning.
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