Trauma

This morning my phone buzzed to let me know that the missing 4-year old girl was found alive 80 miles from her home.

It was a most welcome interruption to my sleep.

I went to bed forcing myself NOT to imagine what that mother is feeling. The image of her racing after the car that had stolen her precious child is something I keep playing over and over in my head.

I simply cannot fathom the feeling of losing a child.

I've only felt my heart jump and my stomach turn a handful of times in Dylan's 2 years on this planet. Once when he had his Febrile Seizure and the other when he hid behind the car outside and I couldn't find him for 30 seconds. I never want to feel that again.

But part of becoming a parent IS that feeling.

It's what we accept when they arrive in the world and depend 100% on us to survive. You take it on..knowing that wrapped up in the little bundle is your worst fears and happiest moments.

Loving a child is the scariest thing on earth. Because you love them too much.

They are too important. Too special.

This weekend when Craig went wake boarding, I saw first hand how everything a child sees or hears effects them.

Even when we think they are too young to notice.

We were anchored in the boat on the lake and Craig jumped in to swim to a friends boat to attempt to wake board. It took him a handful of tries before he was up and each attempt dragged him further and further away from where Dylan and I were.

At one point he fell and Dylan immediately started to cry.

"Daddy! Fall!" between tears.

Pop, Mom Mom and I all reassured him he was fine and that he would be right back. But the boat kept carrying his Daddy further and further away until they rounded a corner and Daddy was no where to be seen.

Thus began an endless plea from Dylan..."Daddy!!! Back!!!" over and over.

For nearly 30 minutes.

We thought about phoning the other boat to bring Daddy back faster..but in the end we just stuck to reassuring him that his Daddy WOULD be back and that he was okay.

FINALLY...they rounded the corner. Daddy was jumping the wake and oblivious to the trauma that Dylan was experiencing.

The reuniting between father and child was heart breaking.

Dylan would not leave his side and talked endlessly about what had happened.

Daddy had to sit in the back seat with him on the way home, hold his hand walking into the house, give him a bath, read him a book and rock him before bed.

All the while his little deep voice he would say..

"Daddy. Fast. Boat. Bumpy Too."

"Fall. No boo boos"

"Daddy. Back."

Craig and I talked last night about how effected Dylan was by what he saw and our minds couldn't help go to the missing 4 year old girl and how her life has forever changed.