My Photographer

Dylan has recently taken up photography. I love when he goes on a photo taking tear because his perspective is so cool.

Here is his latest.

You thought I was gone didn't you....forever.

I'm here. 

I'm dusting off the keyboard and digging deep into my brain and heart to reconnect with myself. 

Blogging for me has always been a way to make sense of my days. Keep track of the little things. Like a journal that I can share with my children some day. 

While I've been gone for almost 6 months, not much has changed really. We've grown accustomed to not having Craig around. He's sadly, an afterthought to all my planning.

 Invited to a party? Sure, we'll be there! But I only mean myself and the kids. I don't even check his schedule, because inevitably, he's working.

Decision about the kids? I make it. No consulting or discussions. There is not time nor room in his brain to consider gymnastics over dance class. 

Need to hang the Christmas lights? Find me a ladder.

Dinner tonight? Chicken for 3.

This is both liberating and depressing. 

Liberating because I feel independent and strong, depressing because I signed on for a partnership but for now, it's lonely.

His last stretch of working days was 21 days long. No days off. That's nearly a month if you're good at math. 

But things aren't all poor me. The kids are thriving. They have learned to roll with the punches and consider any moment they have with their Daddy as a bonus. And he works so hard to reach out to them in little ways.By leaving notes, surprises, videos. He is a good father. 

And there is LIGHT at the end of this tunnel. The next 3 months promise to be better. His first vacation! Some easy rotations! We are eagerly awaiting the time.

Settled-ish

I know it's been awhile. I've been so unsettled and out of routine that I haven't been able to formulate sentences, let alone WRITE them.

But now we are into a routine of sorts. Settled-ish.

Dr.Husband has begun the grueling days of OB/GYN residency. His first month is mostly nights.

That's 5:30pm-9:00am.

 He comes home haggard and barely awake. Has breakfast and climbs into bed, asleep before his head hits the pillow. He sleeps until 230ish and the cylce begins again.

Although Night Float is hard on him, it's actually nice for the kids because they get some quality Daddy time in the afternoon before he leaves again.

For me, adjusting to being the one that locks the doors and turns out all the lights has been difficult. The first few nights I was staying up VERY LATE, almost as if I was vicariously working at night too! And every sound in the house felt like my responsibility to find the origin.

 But making the bed in the morning is easy, as I barely rumple the covers on my own.

As for the kiddos, we've managed to create our own schedule. In fact, we wrote one out together.

I found that Dylan was missing the structure of school, he craved order and routine. So we devised our own.

It starts with swimming lessons in the morning, outside play, lunch, nap and ends with one project/craft/science lesson a day. Pinterest is my new best friend.

 But I find that I love the schedule too.

Totally Two.

When Dylan turned 2.

He cried when we sang "Happy Birthday."

 I put in a ton of effort and created a Tractor Extravaganza for his milestone 2nd year. It was picture perfect.

When Julia turned 2.

I threw together a birthday party in 30 minutes and she loved every single second of it.

Life is Beachy

Before we moved. And before the chaos. We had an epic time at the Beach.

It was the first time since the kiddos were born that a vacation, sort of felt like a vacation! They slept, they ate, neither child was sick.

WE didn't want it to to end. Since it meant we had to move. Lots of tears.

Too soon

The start of residency came way too soon this morning. This goodbye was heartbreaking after having his daddy home for so long. Dylan was as wrapped up and glued on as he has ever been.

It's very difficult explaining intern year to a 4.5 year old!  So time to break out the mommy scheduler and make this week one to remember, for the good stuff, not the sad stuff.

On deck today are swimming lessons and story time!

Rough.

Last Monday I woke up and forgot that it was Marathon Monday.

It's been 4 years now that we have missed Marathon Monday. Each year until this one I have remembered that feeling of waking up on a Massachusetts Only holiday ( Patriot's Day) and making my way into town to celebrate the amazing athletic accomplishment that is the Marathon.

It involved taking the T, beers, good food, laughter. 

This past monday was terrible.

 The images will forever be etched into my brain. The feeling of "Wait, my friends are there!" will forever be in the pit of my stomach.  The pride I felt for Boston and everyone there is still immense. 

I obsessed way too much about the entire ordeal. Refreshed my twitter a million times a day to find some bit of information that was new. I scrutinized the released photos, as if, I may personally know these terrorists somehow. I snuck watching the news while I made dinner and the kids were playing outside. 

It taught me that we have no control sometimes.  And I have to let go.

And it taught me that there are evil people in the world, and a lot of good ones.